Odds and Ends.

These stairs are going to keep us busy. The plan is to refinish the step and paint part white like the side trim. The carpet is fixing to go to where ever it is that dead carpet goes--the dump.

Saturday the down town library had a book sale. My little heart was pitter patting in excited expectation. Memories of the Santa Cruz Civic Center with it's piles of maybe a million books, in  organized sections filled my mind. What I found was one full row of books. Mostly what they are pulling from their shelves to withdraw from circulation. For $1.00 each hardback and 25 cents for paperback I managed to spend 20 bucks and took all I could carry.

It is cold enough for a fire. The perfect day to begin reading my plunder. I love book sales.

I also recovered the cornice that is above the couch and switched the couches around. I've been re organizing with the thoughts of moving everything out to put the flooring in. BIG job!!

I took the big round coffee table out and made this little one. It's two baskets and a piece of glass. I thought the big table took up too much room and competed with the circle design of the carpet.

The closets and drawers have been purged. It's a nice feeling not having too much stuff in here and now i am ready for the flooring to begin.

We are going to go to Stewpot and serve folks for Thanksgiving. Kayla is really working at losing weight. I didn't have anyone to invite over and just don't feel like cooking. We thought it would be good this year to just go pitch in and help out with the hungry. I'll make a sweet potato pie to have when we come home.

Just Cute.

What's different in this picture?



Do you see the real "toy"?
Maybe he was feeling lonely and decided to snuggle with some buddies.
I thought it was too cute not to share.

I'm still cleaning and going to the Goodwill. Just about done. The house is looking GREAT. Drawers are getting emptied out, closets debulked, it's liberating! It's so easy to get dressed when the only things in my closet are items that I can actually wear. No more shopping for the current size either. We (Kayla and I) are trying to lose weight so we aren't cooking. No pies. No cookies no nada. Not eating much. Meat and vegetables how interesting is that? No photo ops.
But you know what? It's time for all that celebratory food and I never lost what I gained last year! I refuse to get bigger, no no NO! I mean for Pete's sake; my feet are breaking under the load now. To me that is a big hint, the body would prefer to lighten the load. DUH...

Books? Well, yes I am reading but if I keep talking about it, I might get labeled and that will never do. Just a nice heart warming story you say?

"Heart In the Right Place," by Carolyn Jourdan. This is a true story about a woman who has it all, money, high powered job, a Mercedes...and her mother has a heart attack. Her father is a country doctor in a rural area of Tennessee and her mother helps run his very old fashioned practice. She goes home to help out and from there her whole life gets turned upside down. Its sweet, hilarious, and well...it's true. What can be better than that?

Currently I am tessering through "A Wrinkle In Time," series and am reading the last book. I have a different perspective after reading the Crosswick Journals and can see that some of the settings are from her farm. It's been a very enjoyable rerun. Children's books can be for everyone, especially these. These would be good read aloud books for family time.

How are you? Do you have big plans for Thanksgiving?

A Lover of Books

Ever since I was very young, I have loved books. There is something about a new copy, not yet read that is magical for me. I love to smell the paper and gingerly run my hands over the front cover and feel of the pages, savoring the text before reading it. It's a memory that goes back as far as I can remember.

Smell is connected to memory isn't it? Did you ever deeply inhale of your new shoes? When I was young we received shoes twice a year and had two pair, one for church and one for school. When Keds came out we were crazy with joy to have play shoes! I quickly worked on my mom to let me wear the tennis shoes everywhere. I hated saddle shoes and loafers. They may have been stylish but it felt like walking in cement, and the heat so much hotter in those clodhoppers.

I am digressing a little but not really. It was as a school girl that our parochial school often held book sales for fund raisers. We were allowed to go into the main auditorium where piles of books were laid out on long tables. They were placed by grade level but that never mattered to me. What I was after was the front and back flaps of any book that caught my eye. Often my parents would buy me everything that I selected, it was so much better than any holiday. I saved most of these lovely books and left them with my daughter when I moved here. They may be gone.

There is nothing to this day that I like more, than to read curled up in a cozy spot and get completely lost in the world between those two covers. Adversity can be a blessing. I learned to love books when I was young because of profound, undiagnosed near sightedness. My grades did not suffer from my myopic vision because often during the recess I would go up to the black board and look at what was written. It trained my hearing very well to remember what was said.
When discovered by a routine school screening I could not see the big E on the chart. I had to walk nearly up to the chart to read anything. Mother was naturally horrified and also confused why none of the usual signs had presented. She asked me how I managed in school and I told her about staying in at recess; it was perfectly logical to me. I hated recess balls and other objects that would periodically come hurtling threw the air and hit me. It was always to late to react by the time I saw them coming. The world of imagination was much safer and also much more exciting. When driving home with my first pair of glasses on I was amazed that leaves actually grew on trees! Mother wept, and I couldn't understand why.

I already knew how to read when I started school. The primary grades were sheer torture. Each time I received a new "reader" I would go home and read it, then try the next day to return it. Those exasperated teachers would try to explain to me that it was a "reader" and I was to use it at school. The exasperated child would try to explain the book had been read completely and wasn't to good at that. Fun With Dick and Jane were pretty elementary reading.

I was reading chapter books and had a Junior Classics set. My mother also gave me books of nursery rhymes most of them completely memorized before kindergarten. In spite of being constantly in trouble for talking out of turn, correcting the other children's reading out loud, or getting up from my seat; I didn't lose my love of learning or of reading.

When a new copy comes in the mail and I open it, I still feel that bit of flutter and anticipation to see and smell my new book. Is the anticipation because of my enjoying opening the book or enjoying having the book open me? These authors that we don't actually know but do have a reciprocal relationship with. They present something to us and our minds open to receive or we reject. It is incredible the power of written words.

Madeline L'Engle is at the very top of my list right now. I am in love with her writing. I love the way she thinks, talks, and holds discussions as if we are present in her class, or living room. She imparts such a sense of prescence that it is to imagine you are walking at her side viewing each scene that she takes you to; her world revealed. A rekindled appreciation for thinking is stirring between the gray matter in my head, and the soul in my being.

In the "Summer of the Great Grandmother," she is dealing with the severe decline of her mother. Her family spends each year at their country house in New England. Her mother has suffered from dementia for some time, but in this particular summer, just the trip itself sends her off the deep end profoundly. They realize she will never be able to return to her home.
The episodes of fear and outlandish behavior spur Madeline to remember her childhood, her relationships with her parents, and their parents to review her family history back to the civil war. It is an incredible journey, a fantastic marvelous read.

Something happened in my own response to her story. I saw great parallels between her people and mine, between her childhood experiences and mine. My grandparents rode on camels in Egypt and so did hers. Her family was well read and knew several foreign languages as did mine. These people who did not consider themselves to be highly educated because they had no degrees; lived very full and interesting lives!

Which made me think of the strong contrast between their lives and those portrayed in,"Brave New World", by Aldous Huxley and "1984", by George Orwell. The totalitarian government in BNW kept the masses happy with soma and diversions. Games and physical fitness were the chief modes of entertainment and all things "new" celebrated, old things and old people abhorred. I wonder if we have 'soma' now? Would we recognize it if it was in our lives already? What things do we routinely use to "check out" from the world we live in and distress? Zone out, tune out, take a vacation, "a gramme is better than a damn". The government had discovered that keeping people in an infantile state and away from strong feelings enabled them to be easily controlled.

In "1984", we have "Big Brother:, the benevolent government that will rewrite history and current events to subdue the masses, and again medicate and condition the people so they do not even recognize the servitude that is upon them. The interesting thing is that in both stories, books are forbidden. Learning is forbidden, it has been replaced by conditioning. Political correctness is of supreme importance, any infractions reported for the greater good of the society as a whole. Would we even see it? Isn't it already here? Would we realize if we are conditioned? "I love new clothes", "better to spend than to mend", sounds ominously like a TV commercial to me, but in Brave New World, it was part of the multitude of whispers in the night that the government raised children, were subjected too.

How did I get from grandparents that could speak foreign languages and ride camels to that? I hope you made that jump on your own. In that time there was no TV, no media, no Internet. People were very busy with living independent lives. independent of government, independent of the mainstream pressure to conform to the status quo. When you don't have "soma" you live life. People those few generations ago were very much free Americans and celebrated their freedom by working very hard to better themselves. My grandparents( legal immigrants by the way) saw the industrial revolution, the invention of the radio, the electric light bulb, indoor plumbing, the motor car, airplanes, and a man that walked on the moon. To name just a few of the milestones in their generation. It was an amazing time to be alive.

How about us? Where do we fit in? Where do you?

Fall Fest Foto Day in the Country!

Pretty much as soon as these were turned loose;I hit the ground running.
So to speak, actually I began standing in front of the stove.
Where I usually spend a lot of time. This home made chicken soup is pretty tasty.
If I don't say so myself.
It had been awhile since we had any of this too...

The hunny is always up for some of these...

or his very favorite.
After getting full of home cooking we decided to take a ride to the country to visit some friends.
Boys and vines that hang from trees are a match made in heaven.
We had a special occasion to make the trip. This little princess is a couple of days old, she is the 6th child in this family but there is plenty of room for her.

They have horses on their farm, Kayla wanted to brush them so they had a nice relaxing grooming.
The Dad and one of the other daughters were busy doing something here.
Which involved this kind lady named I-Lean, she has a bum foot but it doesn't slow her down much. A jersey cow, the best milk on the planet comes from such as these.
The oldest has the knack she knows just how to fill up the pails. We were given 2 gallons of milk and about that much in pure cream. I am blessed to overflowing! Just think real butter, sour cream, and ooooohhh that milk!!! My bones are getting stronger just thinking about it.

A family shot of all the children they are a joy to be around they are so well behaved, and they are very happy children.
We drove all through the country to visit them. It's not far from where we live just 20 mins from me you can be in places that look like this.
We stopped by the side of the road to take these.



Tried to get this driving and it's blurry but it's my dream place, I think it's for sale. Won't be mine it's more moolah than I have. It is a perfect farm house on picturesque acreage.
On the way home...
I love it in the town of Flora...or more correctly the countryside of Flora...

the photographer at work...
Somebody has to drive, notice my window? You guessed it perfect weather!!
This time of year we have the best weather in the country!
More beauty isn't this just a feast for the eyes?


All to soon we turned the corner back to our place. The trees declare the beauty of fall.

With a little help from my resident teen.

We are home and the day was perfect.

Just Busy or Something....

The phone rang last night and my friend who is also blogger was calling because....I haven't posted. It's so nice to be loved. I have good news, my cast is off. My bones don't feel right but I am not complaining.

GREAT NEWS about Stellan!! But the news about his leg is not good, pray about that, a very urgent need, and he is sick. What an incredible journey this baby and his family have had!

I have some ideas to write about for you...if I can get ever get my nose out of the stack of books I have. I am reading, baking, and trying my best not to be on my feet to much. Yes, this is the boring- est post ever...just touching base to let you know that--I am fine. I am enjoying the ooh so perfect--never lasts long enough--fall weather. No, my irises are not planted yet, are yours?

I will return.

What Would You DO?--Book Review

Have you ever thought about feet? Aside from how cute they CAN be? At least at the stage of the game they happen to be smoochy and adorable and make us *sigh* just so precious.

They are also an important part of being independent. They take you where you want to go and sometimes where you don't. We need them.

A popular movie made this saying famous, "Houston we have a problem," everybody knows what that means.

Something is wrong and it is probably going to get expensive to figure it out. Peoples bones do not just fracture while walking around, no falls , no twists, no trauma. Except for mine, that is exactly what my bones are doing. It has been confined to the ankles until now, this time the tibia fractured on my leg.

Houston, we have a freak out.

My prescription; is to go to the library, check out a pile of books and begin. I am supposed to keep my feet up and rest. Sounds good doesn't it? The body however, does not like that much rest, and you would be amazed at the aches that start up from lack of movement. Some rest is not restful. However the books are a welcome diversion! I even tossed in a few classic tomes.

Let me show you the pile and then tell you about some of them.

I recently finished 'A Circle of Quiet', by Madeline l"Engle you may know her from "A Wrinkle in Time' she has written 63 books! She was also married to Hugh Franklin the actor who is best known for playing Dr.Tyler on All My Children, a soap opera of long standing. I have never been a soap opera fan. When you work in hospitals they are on and staff usually can find a minute to go watch and keep up with their stories. having been exposed, I remember Dr.Tyler, he was about the only character who had real substance. The Crosswick Journals are autobiographical and a pleasure to read. She discusses learning, ideas, language, music, art and a great deal of discussion about the 70's with conclusions that are timeless in their application; appropriate for today.

This next story is beautiful, and these two people of high integrity shared 40 years of fidelity and true love. 'A Two Part Invention' is the story of their meeting, courtship, marriage and his death from cancer. It is an amazing, well done book. Madeline has the ability to draw you into her inner heart and life sharing the most profound feelings; and then giving you just enough distance so you are not completely overwhelmed. I confess to crying the most as she describes the nurses ability to handle their suffering and the situations they find themselves faced with. Her portrayal of the experience of life threatening illness, is perfectly done. If you are facing a situation like this read the book. If you want to expand your heart, read the book. If you just want to read a good book; read the book.

A book I did not care for much is 'Julie and Julia' what the movie is based on. I missed the movie. The book is filled with the f*** word and s** word on every page. So much that it does nothing to the story except cheapen it. Her kitchen is filthy. She writes of a scene where she is seeing spots before her eyes, which wait; are not spots they are flies. The flies are coming from the sink, under her drainboard are maggots...yeah well my stomach flipped too.
This book is really trash. I have heard nothing but rave reviews about the movie. If you saw the movie and liked it please tell me about it. Another surprise is the book has actually very little about Julia Child except for a half dozen letters from her husband and the imaginary part she plays in Julies head. I think the real life Julie Powell has some kind of disorder maybe Asperger's. This woman does not think, she a blanket dislike for Republicans, for Christians, and is in general a modern day bigot. When we fall to a level that we can no longer meet each other and exchange ideas but stereotype and dismiss one another based upon what politics we endorse, we are indeed in trouble.

A fun novel, a bit predictable and on the tidy side as far as wrapping up a plot; but please enjoy Peter Mayal's ' A Vintage Caper.' I love Peter, the man loves food and wine. He can describe food and wine until you feel like you are eating with him. An unfortunate response is that sometimes the suggestions are so strong I have to eat, hungry or not! The novel is a whodunit set in France with lovely chateaus and incredible wines. It is fun, just plain fun, and the food....

I am working on this book pile. I haven't chosen today's read yet. in the mean time the house is getting dirty, my room looks like a cyclone hit it, and the pile of routine housekeeping is just piling up. However, I am determined to ignore it. This is not easy for me. I like work. I like to be busy. It is enough work just to get washed up and dressed. Casts are a royal pain in the *** did I say that?

There is one more thing I wanted to share with you. I watched an incredible film. I love most anything that has Nicholas Cage in it. The man really can sing opera, no joke. The film is 'Captain Corelli's Mandolin' the setting is a small Greek Island complete with stunning vistas, houses and ocean scenes. The problem is the Nazi occupation. The story is of love, and sacrifice. This film is full of everything literary. There is symbolism, beauty, contrast, poetry, songs, pain, and death. One can spend time afterward just thinking and exploring the many ideas that are put before you. The movie is rated R for some nudity. The nudity however is not offensive it is worked into the film in a powerful way. You see I am not a prude, but swearing should be reserved to make an effect, and nudity should contribute, not be cheap titillation; at least in my small opinion. The scene is on the beach where the singing Italian soldiers, (whose main extent of the war experience has been to form an operatic singing group) are enjoying the day with prostitutes; who frolic in the waves topless. They are taking joy in hard times where they can find it. It did not offend me in the least. I think that scenes where peoples faces are grimacing in what is supposed to be a climax are much more suggestive than the beach scene in this film. If I was a movie critic I would give this film 5 stars. Yes, my teenagers may watch it, it is a good film and there is much to discuss.

What are you reading? Anything good?

Satire Sunday

I received this in an e mail. It made me laugh, sarcastic laughter, but yes a laugh.


Doesn't get any better than this!

Let me get this straight.

We're going to pass a health care plan
*written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it,
*passed by a Congress that hasn't read it, but exempts themselves from it,
*signed by a president that also hasn't read it, and who smokes,
*with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes,
*overseen by a Surgeon General who is obese, and
*financed by a country that's already broke.

What could possibly go wrong?

Happy Halloween

I'm dressed for it.
No joke.

Same old story. Yeah, I can't believe it either, this time my leg broke. But these toenails man they are shiny!!

The State of Things, Gadgets and Gizmos

In every kitchen I have ever commandeered I have had one of these; the junk drawer. I try very hard when I open it not to really LOOK at it. I just go for whatever may be in there, like a rubber band. This morning I stopped and gazed. The thought occurred to me to just open the trash and dump the whole thing in there. I mean really, what IS all this stuff?

Tapes of multiple types, candles-( not supposed to be in here)- bag clips- transistor radios, remnants from living in California, you know earthquake country- night lights not is use- bulbs- scissors-yeah stuff all right.

For one thing it is a little bit of first aid stuff, and some tools and some gadgets and some gizmos, you know the essential junk of living. I did not throw the whole kit and kaboodle in the trash. Maybe I should have.

I did find a small candle that does not go in this drawer. I tossed out some junk like the pens that probably don't have any ink and straightened the rest of the junk up.

The candle goes in this drawer; cripes it could be a long day.

So what are the state of your drawers? It has obviously been awhile since I opened some of mine!

I need a job, this is getting bad.

Anonymous Rocks

Yesterday I was obviously in the dumps. We all have to work. I was just hoping with the broken feet and bum hip that I could trim enough from our expenses to stay home. Well we tried it and it's not enough. I want to thank everybody who left a comment yesterday, nobody will ever be able to convince me that bloggers are not one of the most supportive communities in this world.

There was a surprise comment from someone who is a mystery. The anonymous comment left us all speechless. One very talented writer and also someone who could just walk up and basically say, " it's plain as the nose on your face." Amazing. I like the ideas.

If you didn't read it here is the comment.


"You are a caretaker. Your housekeeping skills are amazing, your interest in nutrition is intense, your experience in the health industry and your ability to discern strengths and weakness is "your gift".
God has prepared you for the work he created you to do, I pray that you recognize that you are intentionally and wonderfully made, and move forward with your many, many, abilities.
Your whole "Blogger Persona" screams "In-Home Assistant". If you could get 5-6 clients who need occasional home care, e.g.: shopping, cleaning, meds, companionship, and just work independently with the main objective of supplementing the income, while providing a wonderful service to someone who needs a hand. Seasonally, you could disinfect homes when a family has had illness. For $$$ amount, you could go in, clean kitchens, bathrooms, change linens, and help a family resume their busy lives. You could do a seasonal cleaning and Christmas setup for the busy family. Never forget, that you live in God's economy, and he knows your needs and your heart."

OK bloggy buddies put your collective genius together and tell me how would I go about starting something like this? An idea has to have a way to be implemented. One of the things I really like to do is 'design and develop'. But to do this a lot of 'outside the box' thinking would have to be done, remember there is no budget to start up a business. Why let a little thing like that, stop a great idea?

What ideas do you have for a business name? How about prices? Advertising on the cheap? What about legal stuff? Can I just hang my shingle?

Are your creative juices flowing this morning? What say you?

Soul Searching

I have noticed what I think is a decrease in posting from quite a few of my favorite bloggers. This week I haven't posted either. I have been in a funk. I did not want to talk about the thoughts that are running a muck in my head.

There is beauty. If I just look for it.

There is bounty. To be bought for a price or just admired.

There are cute places to have lunch with a friend.

That have adorable atmosphere and also good food. Places that remind me of Santa Cruz.

And there is the reality of what is. Sometimes we have to get our heads out of the clouds and face the music.

A budget so inadequate that after the bills get paid (when I say bills I am referring to housing, utilities, and insurance, no others) there is no money for food. The fat has been trimmed, and it is not enough.

That is a budget that will not work.

My time of being a "domestic artist," is nothing more than a little vacation. My husband told me he did not need a housewife. It was not his intention to hurt my feelings. I can't tell you how much it did hurt. It hurt because I confessed to what I have always wanted to be since I was little. That "thing" that no one wants or needs anymore. The wife, the keeper of hearth and home. I suppose it can be justified if their are children but when the children are grown? Is there not still a house to be made into a home?

There is so much in my heart right now that I don't really know where to start. So many fears, a sense of things slipping through my fingers never to be regained. A sense of loss. Several years ago I studied to take the GRE, a test to go back to school for my Masters degree. I never took the test. Every time I took a practice test in the math I failed it. The vocabulary words were some I didn't even know existed and memory work is not my strong point anymore. After three months of study I just put it aside. Do you ever think about opportunities for things as coming by to be seized or lost? I have always thought that we never run out of possibilities, but I may have been wrong.

Here I am again much older thinking about school. The first hurdel is that same test. I think I would be a good teacher in a college. But then I get filled with doubts and fear. Really? Would anyone want to hear what I have to say? Could I even do it? Could I pass that test? I have never failed anything before, what would it feel like to fail? I am getting older, not elderly but older, that half a century mark. It is harder to keep up with technology, it is harder to keep up period. The world has always moved at a fast pace, but it seems to be in warp speed. More power to the engines Mr. Scott!

In medicine I realized that I am part of the group who is being phased out. With my years of experience a hospital can hire two new grads. I don't practice medicine by the numbers, or the computer, or the most recent studies. I practice by what I see, and I know what I am looking at. Empirical practice, the human in your gut "knowing," the kind of medicine that is being phased out. The truth is, I don't even like the kind of medicine that is practiced now. It's not worth the headache. Nursing is becoming so automated and regulated that we are becoming not much more than medication dispensers and bandage changers. The computer tells us what times to be in what places giving what drugs. The computer gives us our assignment and a "work list," it keeps track of your times. Being on time with the computer is what is reflected on your review. This is because most of the emphasis these days is on timely drug administration, as if that is all a nurse is, as if that is all a nurse does.

I used to come to work and get my assignment and write it down. After report I assessed my patients and after checking my MAR's could plan out my medicines. Some could be given together, or closer and usually I could get everything given without giving one medicine here or there every hour. That way I had time to actually take care of people. When you spend time in your patients room you find things out. Sick people need hands on care. Now it seems like the idea is to spend the least amount of time in the patients room. Some things can be taken care of right then, others need the doctor and that means some phone calls, writing orders, taking them off, etc... all those things take time.

New nurses think that I make myself work. They try and tell me if I would "get organized," I could sit on my butt like they do. I bite my tongue. If I went into their patients rooms I could find as much "work" in there. I am from a different time of nursing, a different kind of practice.
It's a fight to practice like that. The stress comes from management that just sees numbers. Numbers and statistical outcomes, studies and legal- cover your ass-protocols, keeping to the the check list. The stress comes from having hospitals run like a business, on a schedule with no room for the human element. I can't do it anymore. I don't want too; and it's all I know.

Welcome to Walmart would you like a cart? I can do that.

How do you change your career at my age? I am not old enough or rich enough to retire. I have to work. I cannot afford the luxury of doing what I really love to do which is be a home maker, not if we want to eat. I am fat, I like to eat. I can eat less but nothing is not a good plan. Our housing situation is pretty cheap, we couldn't rent an apartment for this much. So this is it. I thought I could trim enough from our expenses to stay here, but it won't work.

I could teach maybe. If I could find something to teach. How can I teach nursing, when I hate what it is becoming? Maybe I can, by making them see they have human beings in those sheets. I'm afraid I would talk a good percentage of them into finding other careers. All of the ones who do it for the money!

How can I teach nutrition when I am fat? No one would listen to me, they listen to the skinny-skinny equals credible. I don't think that all this skinny is healthy. Somewhere in the middle is probably right. Women are getting too thin. We are even wanting our little babies and children to be thin and that is ridiculous.

If I could pass the test, what would I teach? That is the biggest 'if' I have ever seen.

So here I am, with all these thoughts to sort out. I am thinking that I am probably not alone; with thoughts running amuck," because you have been quiet too.

I will leave you with a good thought. No matter how hard things are getting here at home in the good old USA, they are still good. If we but lift our gazes from our own front door and set them across the seas to lands devastated by famine, or chronic states of poverty, or starvation; we look at our lives full of wealth and can only give thanks for our plenty. The poorest of our poor are still rich here. We live in a land full of every good thing.

We live among a people who still value each other. We are still free, perhaps not for much longer; but for now we are still free.

For now there are still options for us. The courage will come, it has too, there is no other option.

A Philosophical Morning

Recently as in the past three or four days I have been in the mood to devour books. Sometimes a book should just be eaten whole in one sitting and truth be told that is my favorite way to read.
Twice during this adventure and in separate books I came across a new word I did not know, "sybarite- one who loves luxury". The context in which this word appeared did not seem to be in a setting of wanton luxury but of real home life. It spurred my thoughts.

What do you think of when you think of luxury?

A bubble bath without interruption? Some wonderful dish of luscious dark chocolate maybe 70% cacao? Perhaps a fine fabric soft under the hands or a place by the sea?

Are your thoughts of what is luxury about things which you don't have or do have?
Are your ideas around places you can go to, or where you find yourself right now?

My thoughts have been on a journey back to something. One finds at the half century mark in life certain freedoms not experienced before. For one thing just living to this point, and acquiring a few strands of silver hair imparts some credibility to ones person. The other wonderful aspect to this time in life is the freedom to become a bit eccentric if one desires. We can blame menopause or any other host of mid life nomenclature that would define these behaviors. Personally, I prefer to label it individual preferences.


In my youth I was caught up in the woman's movement and "hippie-ness" as were many, it was the time we lived in. You were completely out of vogue if you had not read Gloria Steinem or attended some small group that discussed "Our Bodies Ourselves." There was a lot of frustration and anger in the world then, women especially were upset. A host if issues were laid out, equal pay for equal work, etc...etc...

My mom used to shake her head and say, "it's a man's world." Being young I wasn't sure of any of it, but the angry women seemed to have a passion for their beliefs and for a time I threw my hat in with them. But something happened during that time. I felt adrift and too small in a world that was too large and very scary. I really had no ax to grind. I was not angry. I had not experienced injustice. I found the whole "explore yourself" mentality to be weird and well--just not my cup of tea. The ideas of liberation were the antithesis of romance. The destruction of home and place. It took me years to sort that out, I was after all choosing to go against the mainstream, to pick up my hat and toss it into the ring of domesticity.

Being domestic is a calling is it not? Making a home is so much more than scrubbing the toilets and the floors. I wondered what kind of mothers the feminists had. Did these women ever come home to warm cookies and soft hugs? Were they tucked in at night with a story and a kiss?

My mother gave me a home. I remember tables full of wonderful home made food. I was especially fond of her buttery mashed potatoes and home made custards. Our house would have never made the cover of a magazine but it was cozy and comfortable. Yes, our toilets often needed a scrubbing but we got around to it, weekly anyway. It seems the new standard of our day is to have bathrooms that are ever ready for a magazine shoot. Not very realistic. We also have huge designer kitchens and then eat in restaurants all too frequently. Everything in the environment of the home has taken on sterility. The home however was meant to be a fertile place.

Where am I going?

On a journey that I won't finish in one blog post. It's a journey that I have been on for some time. Back to my roots I suppose, at times I think I am becoming my grandmother or a woman like her. I would be quite pleased to be like her, as she was a woman of greatness in my eyes. My grandmother was a matriarch in the real sense, she kept the family and extended family together. She taught us rich hospitality and gave us wonderful get togethers that made the holidays a real celebration. I do not remember many packages or presents but I remember every meal around the damask covered table, with Grandpa ceremonially lighting the candles.

The holidays are coming soon. Are you feeling the stress already? Are you going to participate in the madness?

Last year I did very little spending. It was a great relief. I enjoyed the season so much more, and I did it by not going to the stores. If I go to the stores I will be swept away. The marketers are much smarter than I am, they seem to know that I needed all these beautiful objects before I ever saw them. If I don't see, I won't want.


The TV has been off now for many months and like the main character in "Brave New World," without the daily dose of soma all of us seem to be waking up, in this house. My thoughts go around ideas of creating things instead of consuming them. I have even been taking a look at my clothes and wondering about making them. If I did, would I have the courage to make what I would REALLY like to wear? Like Mrs. Whaley and her Charleston garden who always wore a blue dress? Would I really like to be a non-conformist? Do I have the courage?



How about you? What would you REALLY like to do? When is the last time you stopped rushing about long enough to even ask yourself that question?

Life is too short not to have at least a few of our dreams come true.